He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
