She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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