You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's great music for shaving your balls
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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