I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
