I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
