i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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