is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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