Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
