Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
