i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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