The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
