u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
