I've blown a few things in my day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
