Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
