Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize