all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
