so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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