I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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