One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
