Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
