When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
