never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize