you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
