the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize