I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I smell stomach acid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
