i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
