I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hippo gnu deer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
