Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
