it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
