her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
