Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize