Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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