I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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