Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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