No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
