I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
