you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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