it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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