Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
