i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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