i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
