I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
