so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
