based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
