It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize