why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
