She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize