Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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