Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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