Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
