my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
