i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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