Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
