There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
