when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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