Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize