I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
