Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
