mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
