my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
