Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize