I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
