This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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