dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
