I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
