The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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