I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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