New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
