just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
